Ho-Hum…thought I as I dropped by ‘Come Back to What you Know…’. Visually it was a very standard blogger template. Fortunately blogging is more about the content. So… in I went.
Written by Jae. This was a curious read indeed. Jae has numerous suicidal references and has some complex issues dealing with being gay, homophobia and how society treats him in general. The more I read the more I empathized with, what must be, the daily ostracization he much feel. It comes across strongly in his blog:
“Why do I dwell on this? Because I fear these people. They threaten my way of life each and every day. See here. maybe it is my messed up mind, but really I want to go hide in a gay ghetto somewhere and never come back out. Most straight people confuse me and I really am unable to comprehend them.
Gay rights are nearly secured. But gay culture? We are still attacked on the street. People still use the old “I thought he fancied me so I killed him, doused him in petrol, throw him in a river and then danced on his grave” excuse to get off almost scot free in homophobic trials. How can we just sit around and say “Thing are getting better”. On paper yes. In real life? No.
So I have decided. Whenever anyone asks me: Have you got a girlfriend? I won’t say no, as I normally do. I’ll say no, I have a boyfriend. When people are homophobic, I shan’t sit back and silently curse them. I shall question them. Interrogate them. And if they hurt me? So what?!
Time to put my money where my mouth is.” This was clearly one of his better entries where his emotion and feelings and reasoning all came across quite well. It must be strange living when you may suddenly have to hide your identity: “My mum and Debbie made an unexpected visit today. I had to hurriedly de-gay my room (not fun!!!!). “. When I first read ‘de-gay’ his room I thought the term was rather funny… but after reading the whole blog… I now find it rather sad for someone to have to hide any part of their identity in the so-called closet.
The numerous references to suicide, depression and darkness reoccur quite often:
“1p.m. that Thursday I took a MASSIVE overdose of various pills in an attempted suicide attempt.” or ” It was getting late I was tired slightly suicidal as I missed my family and friends so I stopped in Florence” or “But I am going to kill myself. That is now the only option. I want to apologise to everyone I have hurt ever. To everyone I have lied to (I only wanted to seem more exciting and normal). I want to say that I miss everyone family, friends and flatmates. I am so alone. I have 95 euros left once thse are used up I am going to commit suicide. Goodbye. God Bless. Good Luck.”
Overall the entries vary from being deeply personal and engaging to ‘what-I-did-today’ entries. The writing is rather witty at times and the author writes as if talking to a friend. “come back to what you know” is something a lot of people would benefit from reading. Homophobia has real casualties and this blog demonstrates it in painful detail.
I had some strange issue with my browser only being able to scroll down as far as the left column extended down – which truncated each month to about 5-7 entries. This should be looked at. One last entry:
”They had me sussed as being gay in seconds and were chuffed when I freely admitted it. It earnt me their respect for having the balls to say “Yes I’m gay”.
For whatever it is worth, you have my respect too. Cheers!